The Wounded Hawk

The Hawk is blessed with many gifts…
Vision, Wisdom, Strength and Power

But as with all God’s creatures, a Hawk begins life as a baby, a small bird, born to learn and grow, to achieve its Destiny, to Soar, to Fly.

A Hawk learning to grow and find its place in this world… must endure despite her wounds.

Stones have been thrown, some by known enemies, some by those she loves.
Some wounds she inflicted upon herself.

With broken wings this magnificent Hawk hobbles and leaps upon the ground.

In her torment she cowers in the shadows of a Great Tree.
The wounded Hawk must decide, when she will break free of the darkness… and follow her Destiny.

Her fate is not on the ground, broken.
She is meant to soar and fly, using her Vision to guide others.
The Wisdom of her Wounds were meant to Strengthen her Power not tie her to the ground.

She sleeps in the shadows of the Great Tree… though she hides, she cannot hide from herself.

Within her bones is the Legend of her story, her Destiny calls.

“Grand daughter,” the wind whispers, “Fly, spread your wings and fly. You are not broken. Your Spirit is strong. The ancestors are with you. Come out from the shadows, do not hide, your enemies not so great. Your dreams not so far. Do not turn your Power inward against yourself, but outwards for the world to see. You must stand, you must fly.”

Timidly this Magnificent bird hobbles out into the light. She is Sister to the Phoenix, Cousin to the Great Eagle… This Hawk is borne to the greatness of her kin.

The Hawk cries a great shriek to dispel her own anger, fear, and pain. Slowly she spreads her aching wings. Some of her wounds have not completely healed. But some wounds only heal in the light and fresh air.

With a glint in her eye she shrieks again into the wind. Grandfather’s wisdom echos through the trees, “Those you love will always be in your heart, whether they left you by death or by choice. The Truth of that love is always in your heart. Release your anger, release your fear. Forgive them, forgive yourself. Then, you will fly. Soaring above, seeing the greater plan of your life. The Mystery that you must embrace and release to the Great Spirit.”

The Hawk stood quiet on the ground, the sun warming her wings. She contemplated Grandfather’s wisdom. She still ached so deeply inside. She looked at the shadow of the tree, she longed to hide again, yet, the warmth and call of the Sun was stronger.

The Hawk crept to the edge of the cliff, looking back at the safety of the tree now and again. After a long while with keen eyes she looked over the edge of the cliff. Visions flooded her sight, her very being. It is time.

She stepped back from the cliff and looked again at the Great Tree, a Great Spider had begun spinning its web. Grandmother Spider weaving a Dream Catcher for the Hawk. The wind began to blow carrying the chanting of the ancient ones, urging the Hawk, blessing her Destiny.

Grandmother Spider chanted, “Before you were born your story has been woven through the threads of time. The story had been written, every triumph, every trial, every tear, every fear, every loss, every love… Believe, have faith, do not worry… the Dream Catcher keeps what is good and discards the rest. Faith, Hope, Love, Strength, and Destiny… Moe’uhane… Moemoea… Thunkashila SaCheTan… Tino Kaha Moko… all in due time…”

The Hawk shrieked and her cry vibrated across the sky. She fell off the edge of the cliff. As she fell she remembered her wings, she spread them wide and remembered she could fly…

Her left wing still ached, she could see the wound. “Will this ever heal?”

“Someday,” the Great Spirit responded to her thoughts, “all I ask of you now is to fly. Your assignments will come at the right time, as will your healing. Everyone is connected like the silken threads of the Spider’s web… all in due time, all I ask now is that you fly. Follow the trail of the Moon and Sun across Father Sky, rest when you must on Mother Earth, she will feed and sustain you. Your Destiny will follow you as you follow your Destiny.”

The Hawk has come full circle in her journey, now she must begin again.
"Moakaaka na hoku alaka'i." - Make Clear the Guiding Stars.

I'm on HIATUS

HIATUS
1: an interruption int he intensity of something [syn: suspension, respite, reprieve, abatement]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm done.

Behind the Mask

Behind the mask
Is my smile
My heart

If I show myself
Truly, clearly...

Will you like what you see?
Will I be beautiful in your eyes?
Will you see my spirit & tell me the truth in your heart?

Behind my mask,
Is just me.
No more, no less,

I am the Spirit Grace has blessed me with.
I am the Fire of a Warrior Spirit
I am the Softness of a Lover's caress
I am a Woman becoming Whole.

Warrior Woman

warrior spirit
tenderness of a woman
destiny within


I was inspired by the translation of the markings on the Japanese sword I bought at the flea market this past weekend. Upon doing a little amateur research, it appears to be from the 1940's and it may be a ceremonial sword of some kind, its too short to be a samurai sword and too long to be a katana. However the Kanji markings on the sheath say:

"Warrior's fortune/luck in battle for eternity."

and so it is...

Ta Moko

Fitting that I should write this today on Halloween. People pick today to OPENLY pretend they are something they are not. Why do you think its such a popular holiday! Hey, I'm no different, I wanted to be Gogo the Assassin on Kill Bill, why not?! I'm feeling a little bitchy, and I can handle it. I just bought an old Samurai sword yesterday!

I digress... This post is about "Ta Moko". For the last week I have for some reason been FACINATED and drawn to Maori tattoos. Perhaps its because I dreamt of a guide with a Maori body tattoo, where all i could see was the intricate tattoos on his arm and hand.

Interesting how people wear masks to hide who they are on a daily basis. They act too cool, front, surround themselves with activity... when their true selves is hidden underneath. What's the big deal? Who you hiding from? Who are you acting for? Others? Or yourself... In truth more than the former, I believe its the latter. Sometimes we act so much we end up fooling ourselves.

That's why I am facinated by the Maori Facial tattoo. Its unique and individual.. it tells a story.. in Maori culture it signifies, status, geneology, identification, personality.. with markings indicating ferocity or beauty. It tells a story for all to see, right here on the face, on the head.. a part of the body considered sacred. It is not hidden.

Am I brave enough to walk without a mask... like we all do everyday. Of course I won't be tattooing my face.. but i am contemplating another tattoo. Signifying what? I don't know, its will be long while, while I decide. It must MEAN something for me... like my other tattoos.

I have the Japanese Kanji symbols across my lower back for:
Faith
Hope
Love
Strength
Destiny
Happiness/Fortune

I have a tribal Hibiscus Tattoo with the word "Moe'uhane" underneath. (DREAM)
That word alone for me has changed in meaning.
When I first got that tattoo it was because I always thought of Hawai'i as my dream place... the earth, sea, and sky speaks to me there.

In truth, "Moe'uhane" now means so much more... it is connected to me, my intuitive dreams.
Did tattooing that one word help set me on this course? Perhaps. Who knows...

Another tattoo would have to have deep signifigance for me. I must say, I have a deep admiration for "Ta Moko" I find it appealing on so many levels. Perhaps its the rich meaning behind it.

Perhaps its the strength and courage through painful tattooing to display one's truself for all the word to see. An appropriate metaphor for the process of Being & Becoming who you really are.. and being brave enough to let the world see who you are.

Simple Joy

I've had quite a weekend. Today my friend was discussing relationships... and not expecting perfection in a man or a relationship. I was thinking about some things this weekend as well.

We waste so much time dwelling on the whys and wherefores of relationships. Do you ever notice that the moment you simply let yourself relax... everything flows. I am beginning to clearly see, that the mere attempt to hold on, ensures that it will slip through your grasp. Yet, think about it... look back over your life... When you stop thinking about something, when you finally give up and let go. Everything works itself out on its own.

I love watching nature shows. I often find myself looking at the big picture. The seasons change, the caterpillar turns into a butterfly, somehow life begins and goes through its stages. I am reminded of how everything in this world has a process, a plan.. and without our interference and help all things unfold as it should.

If I let go, and relax into the center of my being will all else follow?
That thought alone brings quiet and peace to my soul.

The most difficult thing to do is to surrender. We have all been taught, raised in this world to go DO something, go GET something, go PLAN something... For all our activity, where is there peace in this world. There is something to be said for letting things be, and letting things unfold with the innocence of a child.

If you could live your life from this point forward with the eyes of a child. Children love freely, wake up every morning excited for what the day will hold. They don't worry about tomorrow. They live for today.

My Goddaughter Kayla iss 5 years old. For weeks before her first day of school she would wake up and ask her mother, "School today?!" Just the thought of waking up every morning with that type of joy and exuberance makes me smile.

To rediscover the childlike joy of everyday life. If you live for today, focusing on the love and abundance you have in your life, why wouldn't you wake up with the same kind of joy?!

I am ashamed of myself for dwelling on things that make me sad or angry.

As I drove into work this morning I thought about all the blessings in my life. My parents, my cousins, my friends, my coworkers... This morning Jack nudged me awake, tail wagging and eager for me to open my eyes. I greeted him with a good morning hug and he proceeded to prance around on my bed. Simple. Joyful.

I have an old knatty Winne the Pooh bear that is no longer yellow, but a strange dark yellow-brown. His lips are practially gone, and he's lost his red shirt a looong time ago. I do believe this bear has been with me forever. I look at him and I remember being a little girl. Happy, tom-boyish, diggin in the dirt in a dress and gathering pill bugs, with Winnie the Pooh lookin' on. Today, I looked at Pooh and he smiled at me with crooked lips. I smiled back.

I am happy.
There is a deep wisdom in the laughter of a child.
I am still the little girl digging in the dirt for unknown treasure, with Winnie the Pooh cheering me on.
I just have to remember that little joyful tomboy is still there.

She's me.

"Moakaaka na hoku alaka'i." - Make Clear the Guiding Stars.

Sometimes one finds themselves in a place where synchronicity is everywhere. There is no such thing as coincidence. Ever have those days, when you can't stop thinking of a certain something... and lo and behold it pops up. Moments when you think of someone, and they contact you. Its all a part of that invisible world where we are all connected, and we all feel and hear each other.

I have been planning on setting up a blog for sometime. I've just been procrastinating, but perhaps it is time I share my musings with my friends. I discovered that chance conversations happen at the right time, to bring me the information and comforrt I need. You'll notice too, that such things happen for you if you pay attention.

What am I pontificating on today? Well... I am thinking of the type of woman I am becoming. I've always been intutitive. Two years ago, I began a journey of intuitive growth that leaves me breathless. I would dream of a person, place and number.. and when i least expect it is would manifest. Predicitive dreams.

Dreams I believe are signs and messages that come from the unseen realm to speak to you. Send messages, guidance, and reassurance. Sometimes they just serve to let you know you are on the right track, you are in the right place at the right time.

Many times we dream dreams, we don't understand. This is where self-knowledge and the leap of faith comes in. Write it down, even if it doesn't make sense. ESPECIALLY if it evokes strong feelings inside you. Dreams are the vehicle of intuiton.

Anna Deavere Smith said, "Intution is knowledge greater then we know."

I actually didn't intend to dwell on the topic of dreams in this blog. I meant to talk about the quote I used for today's title. "Make clear the guiding stars." It is a Hawaiian chant, from the Mana Card "Wa'a" meaning Canoe - indicating Transitions.

That's where I seem to find myself, in the midst of transition. Where once signs, all served to forewarn me of events to come, or to indicate everything is ok. I now find myself in a place where not everything makes sense... Yet, suddenly for the first time I find extreme joy in simply saying, "Ok, I let go." I still get signs, dreams, indications... now I don't stress out to try and "make sense" of it all. I write down what I observe and trust that later, it will all make sense.

Now I find comfort in a simple prayer of surrender, "I will, thy will."

I will end my first post with this thought that came to me one night when I was watching an old Oprah rerun late night.. she always asks guests, "What do you know for sure?" I asked myself that very question.

What I know for sure...is my heart never lies to me.
If i sit in silence and listen without fear, and in stillness simply KNOW.

What I know for sure, is my heart never lies to me.
Its the voice within, that is ageless, simple and true.

Its the voice that tells you, "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, that man is bad for you."
LOL... shoulda listened to THAT when I was a teenager.

Its the voice that tells you, "Ah.. yes, she is my sister, she feels like home. Like I've known her forever! Yet, we've just met!"

Its the voice that tells you, "That door is closed, you can't force it to open. It must open on its own."

Its the voice that tells you, "Hmmm... I KNOW HIM, even though we've never met. I've kissed him before, even though its the first time our lips have met..."

Its the voice that tells you, "I'm afriad...but its ok. Everything will be ok. Let go, and let God."

What I know for sure, is my heart never lies to me.